The Cullens HACKED!
by theb0y-whowaited
Summary: This is a new spin on the Cullen Aim and other such that you see on Fanfiction. But I plan to do so much more, so come check out the pure AWESOMENESS! That is THE CULLENS:HACKED! OIUGBKJBNOIUGFDOCNEIUUIOBVMS D SQUEE!
1. Funpire trainers from the Twilight Zone

A/N This story will be a random jumble stuff that the Cullen's do on the computer. It will have website history, IM chats, Facebook walls and statuses, and other random stuff that my mind graces me with thinking. BDAWonG

**Funpire Pokémon Trainers from the Twilight Zone**

The Screen Names are as follows:

Edward-SexierThanYou

Bella-BellasAreRinging

Alice-That'ssoAlice

Jasper-ProfessorMoody (a/n yeah, I know, but I couldn't think of anything better.)

Rosalie-BetterThanBarbie

Emmet-I-keel-u

Carlisle-

Esme-1hotMama

Jacob-SexierThanSexierThanYou

**I-keel-u:** _There is a fifth dimension, beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. Welcome to that dimension. Welcome to "the Twilight Zone"._

**That'ssoAlice:** OHHHHHH! You're thief. That's are copy righted

**That'ssoAlice:** Naughty naughty

**I-keel-u:** _You're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind; a journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That's the signpost up ahead — your next stop, the Twilight Zone._

**That'ssoAlice:** no sorry already past it

**I-keel-u:** _You're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind; a journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination — Next stop, the Twilight Zone_

**That'ssoAlice:** No, I'm still at the computer, nice try.

**I-keel-u:** _You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension: a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas; you've just crossed over into the Twilight Zone._

**That'ssoAlice:** LOL

**I-keel-u:** Lull? That sounds like some sort of a country. Like one of those weird Pokémon regions. Hah!

**I-keel-u:** By the cheese, you are a fun sucker…FUNPIRE

**That'ssoAlice:** By the cheese…WTF? And gasp! I am not a Fun sucker, I am a blood sucker. I make fun not suck it!

**I-keel-u:** Prepare for trouble.

**I-keel-u:** And make it double.

**I-keel-u:** To protect the world from devastation.

**I-keel-u:** To unite all peoples within our nation.

**I-keel-u:** To denounce the evils of truth and love.

**I-keel-u:** To extend our reach to the stars above.

**I-keel-u:** Team Cullen blast off at the speed of light.

**I-keel-u:** Surrender now or prepare to fight.

**SexierThanYou:** VAMPIRES! That's right!

**SexierThanYou:** It's EDDDDDDDWAAAAAARRRRD!!!!!!!

**That'ssoAlice: **Edward why wasn't there a message saying that you joined the chat!

**SexierThanYou:** I snuck in by hacking the website and hacking into all the chats I wanted.

**That'ssoAlice:** And how did you do that?

**SexierThanYou:** I called the guy who owns the sight, read his mind through the tella-phone, and figured out how to log-in as an admin.

**BellasAreRinging:** Hello Edward, Alice, Emmet.

**SexierThanYou: **HOLY APOLLO'S RED HOLY COWS! Bella signed on! G2G LIKE NOW!

-**SexierThanYou has changed his status:** Still sexier than the all of you, well maybe except, Bella. And the piano. Now that's sexy! Oh yeah and Taylor… SWIFT! HAH! I bet you all thought it was Lautner.-

**-BellasAreRinging has changed her status:** Ed-weird, I hate you, how could you find Taylor Swift sexy, along with me. TWOTIMER!-

**-BellasAreRinging has left the chat room**-

**SexierThanYou:** Noooi! Don't leave my Sweet Bella!

**-SexierThanYou has left the chat room-**

**I-keel-u: Man.** He is SO gay.

**That'ssoAlice:** Heel Yah. You can say that a-gay-n! HAH!

**I-keel-u: Man.** He is SO gay.

**That'ssoAlice:** you already said that.

**I-keel-u:** yeah, but you said you can say that a-gay-n, so I said it a-gay-n, because you scare me.

**That'ssoAlice:** *Sniff* I *sniff* scare you! *cries*

**-ProfessorMoody has entered the chat room-**

**ProfessorMoody: **What did you do to Alice! You monster! Remember I can make you and Edward fall in love, and then make you guys horny, and then make the whole house curious enough to walk in on you guys!

**-That'ssoAlice has left the chat room-**

**-ProfessorMoody has left the chat room-**

**I-keel-u: **Wait. What? I'm…sorry?

A/N 'Tis been revised. Now for some Shakespeare: _"Review or not to Review? There is not such a question. Now god damn it you ^%#&%^^% just &*%($*& review!" _Nicely said Shakespeare! (If I were you I'd do as he said he is really dangerous with a flame thrower.)


	2. What's behind Rosalies hatred of Jacob?

A/N: A short diary entry, belonging to Rosalie. This will be VERY OOC, so you have been warned. By the way, I am totally shocked. I have received PMs saying how great my story was, but no one reviewed. You guys are very hurtful. Also I am updating my profile so go check it out; it concerns a new, humorous story, I am writing. I also need to know how many people want a lemon or two thrown in.

**Breaking Dawn Time**

XX/XX/XXXX

OH MY GOD!!! Jacob came by today AGAIN! Not that's a shock, because he loves that hag of a pregnant biznatch Bella. He is so hot. Not that I don't love Emmet, its just that. Emmet isn't well…talldarkandmysterious. There I said it-err-typed it. And his eyes are so dreamy. Plus have you seen his hands and feet, CLEARLY he is hung like a stallion. Bella should divorce Edward and hump that hot dog. I wonder if he notices me. He probable does like me back with all his flirty jokes. This dog bowl idea I've got will get him. I'd better prep the divorce papers, or maybe Emmet will agree to polygamy. He does like orgies.

A/N: Good god! I feel really weird, like I need to go be 12 foot high high heels. So I know that below my story there is a little green button that says review. Now I want you to click on it. Then after you are done typing, there are wee little squares. Now I want you to check all four boxes. Do this after I snap my fingers. SNAP!


	3. Facebook Statuses and Aliens Overlords

A/N: I have Facebook statuses, prepare to laugh yo' ass off.

Edward Cullen is currently trying to read Bella's mind while also imagining something more important than piano. (A/N AND PIANO IS VERY IMPORTANT. IF I DON'T PLAY I DIE!!!)

Isabella Swan is looking very annoyed at Edward and is thinking that Edward should just look at her status to find out what she's thinking.

Jacob Black is sniffing a poodle's butt.

Embry Call is currently licking his butt. Yeah that's right Embry-o, I hijacked your profile so if bring it on.

Alice is currently shopping. Nothing new there. But what happens when I add the fact that I'm shopping UNDER WATER YEAH YEAH I AM I'm in ATLANTIS. W00t!

Jasper is currently trying to hunt horses...UNDERWATER! Yeah I'm in Atlantis with Alice. WHY ME!? -cutcutcut- WAHHH I'm EMO!

Carlisle is wondring why on earth we got esme a facebook if she dosen't use it, due to...THE FEAR!!!

Rosalie is shaking at the thought of...THE FEAR!!!

Emmet dosen't remember...THE FEAR!!!

Leah Clearwater thinks its stupid to type "...THE FEAR!!!" like this:...THE FEAR!!!

Esme Cullen doesn't use faceitter or twitbook, due to her fear of Aliens really being the goverment, and computers are thier way off spying on us, and they will come to take over the world; that's...THE FEAR!!!


	4. Pokemon, DrWho, and Dungeons&Dragons

-THE_Doctor has signed in-  
-I-keel-u has signed in-  
-That'ssoAlice has signed in-

THE_Doctor: I don't need Alice to predict Emmet is about to say something stupid.

That'ssoAlice: Woah! If I were you I would be preparing you self for-

I-keel-u: POKEMON GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! Aliceeus (Areceus) I choose you! Go Chance-isle (Carlisle)!

That'ssoAlice:*sighs*

THE_Doctor:-headesk- Why!!!!

I-keel-u: OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG! Didja hear!Well didja

That'ssoAlice: Did we here what? Wait! do I even care? Aww maaaan i just saw what it was and its worse tha n him describe bedly events with Rosalie!

THE_Doctor:-headesk- Why!!!!

I-keel-u: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOPE! They are making a brand new vresion of POKEMON GOLD AND SILVER!!!!!! Daddy I NEED a a hundred thousand dollars so I can go buy a bunch of pokemon trading cards and games! PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE!

THE_Doctor:-headesk- Emmett you are an ADULT now not only do you not need those things, but you have your OWN money.

I-keel-u:So that means yes, so in other words Emmett in not in alot of trouble for already getting the money out plus another million.

THE_Doctor: yes-WHAT! you got the money already! well then why did you as- oh look Doctor Who is on bai! Yay ! let me go get my TARDIS cardboard box and Sonic Screwdriver!

-THE_Doctor has signed off-

That'ssoAlice: 0.o

I-keel-u: Did you know that Pickachu learns Volt Tackle at never. You have to breed it to achieve it and-

That'ssoAlice: WAIT! There is sex in Pokemon! WTF! (%*( I just got that for Nessie!

I-keel-u: Well not really cuz you see they don't know where the Eggs come from cuz no-one ever seen a pokemon lay and egg and-

That'soAlice: OH! What is an Aliceeus?

I-keel-u: Its a play on words for Areceus the God of all pokemon.

That'ssoAlice: Ah. Ya know it sound kinda cool. I have an idea! You go to all the Targes and Wall-Marts and but them out of all of their pokemon cards, and I'll go to hobby shops and do the same.

I-keel-u: KAY BAI!

-I-keel-u has signed off-

That'ssoAlice: Godd thing I ordered all of thosse Pokemon cards for Nessie. I'll say that I went out, and won't really.

* * *

(A/N Seperate chat )

That'ssoAlice: Oh jasper! its time to play "Dungeons and Dragons" if you know what I mean. Heh.

ProfesserMoody: Oh I do!


	5. Facebookanormal Activity

A/N F-king GOD! I have been drowning in homework. Anyway thanks for the laves and support you guys have been seding me. Here is a little present for all of you. Now if you didn't send me laves and support HIDE YOU EYES! Oh and I can't forget a shout-out to my biggest fan (so far) Lambinlove. Thank you for all of your PMs. Unfortunatley I have a girlfriend.

Facebook Statuses II-They RETURN!!! Eclipse Time

Jacob Black is too sexy fo ma shirt, to sexy fo my shirt, so much sexier thanEdwardthebloodsucking leech, so sexy it hurts.

Bella Swan is rolling her eyes, and is thinking of ILLAMAS!

Edward Cullen is swooning. But he won't say who on.

Aro V. Olturi is rocking out to the Barney song. WHAT! I mean a really sad dark eom song. NONONONO! I'm rocking out to the Halloween theme song.

Emmet Cullen is currently acting. In an adult film. With Rosalie. That will never be seen, because it isn't being recorded.

Rosalie Hale is hunting.

Esme is busy not using Youia or Gatube , due to her fear of Aliens really being the goverment, and computers are thier way off spying on us, and they will come to take over the world. She is instead gardening. In Japan. In a internet Cafe. With a hood over her head. With a computer screen in front of her. Its on Facebook.

Carlisle Cullen is wondering if his wife is cheating on him. But that dosen't matter 'cuz Doctor Who is on.

MKCullen117 is counting down the days to New Moon. 30 MORE DAYS!!!

Kyle Grimmer is in the TARDIS. With the Doctor. Traveling to the Boston Massacre.

A/N: So if ya think its funny, review. If not, review. If you are human, review. If you are a time lord, review. If you are alive, Rreview. If you are dead, review. If you are in love with me, Please know that there are other fish in the see, and review. Lastly, if you are on , REVIEW!

And to the people who can spot all of my well hidden Doctor Who references in the next chapters, you are Whovanians, and you should be expecting my Doctor Who fanfic to come up by December.


	6. Best Friends Are For Chocolate

A/N: I'm BACK!!!!! *evil music plays* I am so extremely sorry for not updating. I was lost on my Facebook page, and I was busy playing Farmville. So, here is my latest chapter. Oh and the three-month forecast is as follows, so you guys no what to expect: Late-December, New Twilight: The MUSICAL chapter that. Will. Be. Epic. January, NEW Drama/Musical to hit -Name TBA, but the good news is that it is about ordinary moments in high school, not junky High Scholl Musical trash. February, my mom's birthday, so be on the look out for the birth of…FEARLESS! Woo! *crickets chirp* I'm glad that that was accepted so greatly. So now on with the story…chappie XX (I can never remember) "Best Friends For Chocolate"

Eclipse Time, I guess

-BellasAreRinging has entered the chat room-  
-SexierThanSexierThanYou has entered the chat room-

**SexierThanSexierThanYou:** Belly Billy Boo!

**BellasAreRinging:** no comment

**BellasAreRinging:** WAIT! That was a comment!

**SexierThanSexierThanYou:** Isn't it like totally smartical?

**SexierThanSexierThanYou:** I should rename myself 

**SexierThanSexierThanYou:** But then I won't be able to truly show my rebelliousness towards Edward in a stuck up way! *cry*

**BellasAreRinging:** ummmmm…Smartical is a strong word…And *sigh* do I really want to know.

**SexierThanSexierThanYou:** Sooooooooooooooo…Didja check your E-mail?

**SexierThanSexierThanYou:** WAIT! Is this really Bella?

**BellasAreRinging:** Duh

**SexierThanSexierThanYou:** SECURITY CHECK

**BellasAreRinging:** -Headdesk- WHY!

**SexierThanSexierThanYou:** What is my least favorite color?

**BellasAreRinging:** IDK IDC…Deep chocolate brown

**SexierThanSexierThanYou:** You are Bella! YAY! *does happy dance*

**SexierThanSexierThanYou:** Hold on!

**SexierThanSexierThanYou:** What was the first thing I ever said to you?

**BellasAreRinging:** IDK, Do u know?

**SexierThanSexierThanYou:** Yes, I do.

**BellasAreRinging:** what

**BellasAreRinging:** IDR

**SexierThanSexierThanYou:** ;)

**SexierThanSexierThanYou:** I want that ball. Give it to me.

**SexierThanSexierThanYou:** That's what I said.

**BellasAreRinging**: really, when where why how

**SexierThanSexierThanYou:** Playground, in March, we were 3 in the tree area, cuz I wanted teh ball. Rudely.

**BellasAreRinging:** wow

**BellasAreRinging:** I'm not sure if I should be scared, or run away screaming STALKER

**SexierThanSexierThanYou:** What? I liked teh ball

**BellasAreRinging:** You always have been sort of like a dog.

**SexierThanSexierThanYou:** Grrrrrrrr…

**SexierThanSexierThanYou: **So, we should like totally freak the like heck out of Edward with this like totally awesome Chatty whossy whatsitty.

**BellasAreRinging**: yes

**SexierThanSexierThanYou:** WAHHHHHH!

**BellasAreRinging:** ?

**SexierThanSexierThanYou:** I RAN OUUT OF HOT CHOCOLATE!

**BellasAreRinging**: I thought chocolate was bad for wolves and dogs and other things in the dog family

**SexierThanSexierThanYou**: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**BellasAreRinging**: so

**BellasAreRinging**: like u need more sugar

**SexierThanSexierThanYou**: IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE NO IT! AND I FEEL NOT FINE!

**SexierThanSexierThanYou**: LIKE THE OPPOSITE OF FINE!

**SexierThanSexierThanYou:** LIKE

**SexierThanSexierThanYou**: like

**SexierThanSexierThanYou**: like

**SexierThanSexierThanYou:** like...

**SexierThanSexierThanYou**: NOT FINE!

**BellasAreRinging**: LOL I can picture you trying to do that

**SexierThanSexierThanYou**: AND THE DROPS AT THE BOTTOM ARE COLD!

**SexierThanSexierThanYou**: IT'S EVEN WORSE!

**SexierThanSexierThanYou**: AHHHHH!

**SexierThanSexierThanYou:** *Holds cup to face and tries to lick tem out, you know that way that I do*

**SexierThanSexierThanYou**: can't reach back with tongue

**SexierThanSexierThanYou:** AHHHHHH!

**SexierThanSexierThanYou**: *drops cup. Lands with a crash.*

**SexierThanSexierThanYou**: AHHH!

**SexierThanSexierThanYou**: I have chocolate on my elbow!

**BellasAreRinging**: okay, this is boring

**SexierThanSexierThanYou**: Must reach with tongue

**SexierThanSexierThanYou**: eh

**BellasAreRinging**: try to lick it

**SexierThanSexierThanYou**: eh

**SexierThanSexierThanYou**: eh

**SexierThanSexierThanYou**: eh

**SexierThanSexierThanYou:** eh

**SexierThanSexierThanYou**: eh

**SexierThanSexierThanYou**: eh

**SexierThanSexierThanYou**: eh

**SexierThanSexierThanYou**: eh

**B****ellasAreRinging:** LOL

**SexierThanSexierThanYou:** Can't reach!

**SexierThanSexierThanYou**: WAHHHHH!

**BellasAreRinging**: it impossible except for freaks

**SexierThanSexierThanYou**: but I am a Circe De freak

**BellasAreRinging**: so I guess u should be able to do it

**BellasAreRinging**: you're a freaky freak

**SexierThanSexierThanYou**: I wanna lick it.

**BellasAreRinging: ***sigh* *shakes head*

**A/N:** So that's one of few that won't really end. Anyway now for a guest star… TIGER WOODS! Oh wait he's in a previous AFFAIR! Ba Dump bump SH! Nah our guest is… President OBAMA! He's here to crash our party! Hah! I made another funny! *Boise sound starts playing* OMG could it be its its it's the… PEDIATRICIAN! AND Poinsettia Taylor. From Pediatrician WHAT!

The Pediatrician: "I'm a Space Lord tom Guyifreey, and I approve the fact that this chat prevents swine flu, and the only way to keep that preventing effect, you must A)Review B)review C)Favorites All of Brendan K. Wilkanshires stories author and D) Story alert and Author alert.

Poinsettia Taylor: Disclaimer Brendan does not own A) Twilight B) Circe De Freak C) The Amanda Show and D)A life, and doing all of the above will not A)prevent Swine Flu B)get Brendan a life and C) Earn you a half a million dollars.


	7. Alice in Whoderland

A/N: I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I'm so so so sorry that It's time for Carlisle Alice Chat. Oh, my brain informs me that that's a good thing. That and it was stupid to post a forecast, as I am a teenager, and won't be able to follow it.

Disclaimer: For one moment, one shining moment, Brendan K. Wilkanshire had owned everything in all of creation. But now he doesn't. Because The Carlisle had to use his super awesome telepathic, mind blocky wocky stuff to stop the vampire venom, but if he remembers, just for one second, he will burn. He also owned Doctor Who during said shining moment, but The carlilse wanted that too.

New Moon Time: ( I just realized that this time period doesn't follow the reall months and years in the books, or in past timelines. Ah well. Timey Wimey Wibbley Wobbly.)

-ThatssoAlice has entered the chat room-

-THE_Doctor has entered the chat room-

THE_Doctor: WAAAAAAH! I'm so sad. The Doctor is dead.

ThatssoAlice: Carlisle I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry.

THE_Doctor: WAAAAH! That reminds me of him.

ThatssoAlice: Oops, should have remembered. It's just that I'm old. I'm so so old.

THE_Doctor: Okay that's enough, quit it. Your acting like a girlfriend, whose ex-fiance, was killed in the war, WHICH WAR, THE LAST GREAT TIME WAR, OF COURSE! Zing!

THE_Doctor:OMD!

ThatssoAlice: OMD? Oh wait I don't want to know. Too late.

THE_Doctor: Oh, my, Doctor.

ThatssoAlice: OMM (Oh my master) You drive me BANANAS! I want to EXTERMINATE you, so that I can use your BODY PARTS to rebuild my SHIP'S CHAMELOEN CIRCUIT! Oh and then I will so call Sethy-poo to go all BAD WOLF on your sorry WEEPING ANGEL ass, so whatever you do, DON'T BLINK, cause no matter how vampire-FAST YOU ARE, THEY ARE FAST, FASTER THAN FASTER. So don't Blink. No don't blink. (chamelone circuit. The worlds first Doctor Who band, is AWESOME!)

THE_Doctor: Really. I mean really. You should know that, you backwards loon with no sense of fashion.

ThatssoAlice: WHAT!? WHAT!? WHAT!? WHAT!? Oh snap. Guess what I know the next season of Doctor Who, and you know what, it was going to be so good. But guess what, I'm so not telling you about it. Its the End of your Time Carlisle. It has ended. I will not work wtith you any more. BELLA! here I come.

(meanwhile, Bella jerks up out of her sleep rubbing her eyes. " I feel a disturbance in the force. Ah well. Looks like another day of being socially dependent on one man, and then shattering to a million peices when he leaves me." She says. )

-ThatssoAlice has signed out-

THE_Doctor: What? I love you. You're my best friend COME BACK! Listen to your master.


	8. Alice, You Perv!

A/N: Time for…FUN. WITH. LETTERS! YAY! Oh and Lots more to look forward to in the near future...;)

Disclaimer: I went to Stephanie Meyer as a pregnant old lady, with demon spawn in my belly, and was suing for the book, because her so called fiction, got my pregnant, but she somehow figured out I was a guy…so I own nothing but…nothing at all. I gave away my soul to the devil, my heart to a girl, and my body to science.

Breaking Dawn Time-Just after the AWESOME honey moon sex on the first night)

-ThatssoAlice has entered the chat room-

-BellasAreRinging has entered the chat room-

ThatssoAlice: Soooooooo…How was the awesome newlywed-vampire-makeup-sex?

BellasAreRinging: OME WTF BBQ OMG OMG OMD LOL LOLRUS ROFL (COPTER) ROBM

BellasAreRinging: makeup?

ThatssoAlice: OME WTF BBQ OMG OMG OMD LOL LOLRUS ROFL (COPTER)ROBM?

ThatssoAlice: its Edward. Please. He is always apologizing. EVERY FUCKING THING IS A MAKE-UP, I'M SO SO SO SORRY! His left nut has apologized more than me.

BellasAreRinging: O.o But it's a very nice left nut, and how would you know…were you sucking on it before me…

ThatssoAlice: I knew you were going to say that, and I KNEW you were going to do that.

BellasAreRinging: Oh my Edward What the Fu-nyans Bar-B-Q Oh my God Oh my Gersh Oh my Dog Laughing out loud laughing out loud Walrus Rolling on floor laughing Copter Rolling on bed moaning

ThatssoAlice: Don't bring Jacob into this!

BellasAreRinging: It was a bunch of words strung together to describe the AWESOMENSS of Edward. He did this thing with his tongue.

ThatssoAlice: I DON'T NEED TO KNOW AGAIN!

BellasAreRinging: Again?

ThatssoAlice: I already saw it in a vision…A very hot vision. With whipped cream. And beads and wax, and I didn't know Eddie-pussy, could be so dominate and aggressive and…kinky

BellasAreRinging: …PEEPING PERVERT STALKER! I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY BEST FRIEND. NOW YOU ARE LUSTING FOR MY HUSBAND!

ThatssoAlice: Mean!

BellasAreRinging: GET OVER IT! I'm going now! NO MORE WATCHING ME AND E CONSUMATE OUR LOVE!

ThatssoAlice: E? And wait! I have something important to tell you!

-BellasAreRinging has left the chat room-

ThatssoAlice: No more sex! You are going to have a demon baby who Jacob will imprint on! Oh and worst, of all, ROSALIE WILL BE JEALOUS!

ThatssoAlice: Too late…Ah well. Might as well start on the Baby girls room.


	9. HE IS MINE!

A/N: So, I was reading over my manuscript of Alice, You Perv, and I decided it needed this, so, it'll be short, and I think, somewhat funny.

Disclaimer: Its quite obvious I don't own Twilight. If I did, jacob would have got Bella, Edward would have gotten Blue balls (I mean literally, blue balls) and Perez Hilton. And there would have been a fight at then end of Breaking Dawn. I mean seriously! They band together an army, and all of the volturi comes, and then its all like, we hate them, they hate us, and then when it ends its all like I LOVE YOU! Makes me sick.

Breaking Dawn Time-Just after the Belly and Alice Chat in Previous chapter

-BellasAreRinging has entered the chat room-

SexierthanSexierthanyou: Hellos, love!

BellasAreRinging: WTF! DON'T YOU DARE START TO LUST FOR MY HUSBAND! OMG!

SexierthanSexierthanyou: I figure that you like it when Edward calls you love, so I figure also that you'll leave him for the awesomeness that is me, when I start to do everything he does.

-BellasAreRinging has left the chat room-

SexierthanSexierthanyou: oooookay...

A/N: BTW, he was typing the thing about why he said love, when Bella posted her little bit, and then looked up when Bella left., after posting his second bit.


	10. OH SNAP SHITS GOIN THE F DOWN!

A/N: OMG! THANKS GUYS! So, I went into a depression and stuff...I started doing drugs and shit. Somehow I got pregnant. After that i worked a bunch of jobs and stuff, and school started, met a girl I really like, and I regained touch with my inspiration. So I'm back! Thanks to all of you who helped revive me from the dead!

Disclaimer: HEY GUESS WHAT I BLACKMAILED STEPHANIE MEYER INTO GIVING ME EVERYTHING SHE OWNED! NOT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I don't own Twilight. Or anything else I'm spoofing, and mentioning in this chat.

Censors Warning: Hey guys, there is a lot profanity in this next chapter. I'm currently working on another chapter for without alot of profanity, but for now, those how have an extreme aversion to profanity should leave.

Breaking Dawn Time

SexierThanSexierThanYou: AYO ED-OH!

SexierThanYou: Yes, Dog.

SexierThanSexierThanYou: NIGGA PLEASE I AINT A DOG! BITCH, I WAS JUST BEING NICE. FUCK YOU FUCKFACE! ENJOY FUCKING HELL FUCKING MATE! ED FUCKING WART!

SexierThanYou: JACOB NIGGA BLACK BITCH! WHAT THE FUCKING FUCKITY FUCK FUCK ARE YOU THINKING! SHUT THE FUCK UP!

SexierThanYou: Fuck: Nigga Please!

SexierThanSexierThanYou: Stop being such a bitch-Nigger

SexierThanYou: Fuck you nigger

SexierThanSexierThanYou: Bring it bitch

SexierThanYou: Bitch its already brung!

SexierThanSexierThanYou: Nigger Really? Really? I mean Really?

SexierThanSexierYou: I don't fucking believe you

SexierThanYou: Man you can't even get a human girl back from me cold dead hands

SexierThanSexierThanYou: Go to fuckin hell Ed fucking nigger bitch wart!

SexierThanYou: THINK YOU COULD HANDLE ME IN A BRAWL?

SexierThanSexierThanYou: Fuck yeah nigger!

SexierThanYou: Bitch, I would own your ass!

SexierThanSexierThanYou: ...i know... and I'd like that...

SexierThanSexierThanYou: I MEAN YOU FUCKER! FUCKYOU!

SexierThanYou: fuckface

SexierThanSexierThanYou: FuckPants

SexierThanYou: Fuckwolf

SexierThanSexierThanYou: FuckWard

SexierThanYou: ShitFucker

SexierThanSexierThanYou: bitchfucker

SexierThanSexierThanYou: slutfucker

SexierThanYou: Wolf Cum Dumpster

SexierThanSexierThanYou: ...HOW DID YOU KNOW!

SexierThanSexierThanYou: ~CRIES! WAAAAAH!~

SexierThanYou: Because I'm jealous. {A/N: oooooooh! TWIST! EEHHHEHEHE!}

SexierThanSexierThanYou: I HATE YOU GO DIE! I WISH I NEVER FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU! wait...what? {A/N : ohohoohohohoho! More complication! Just like Shamalan! When in doubt, twist it out! WHOA! MASTURBATION REFERENCE!}

SexierThanYou: Wait...you love me? I love you! I just...i knew you like that Bella slutwhore, so...I acted like she was the shit so you would notice me...

SexierThanSexierThanYou: Really? REALLY! LE GASP! I SO LOVE YOU! PICK ME UP AND LETS GO ALASKA TO GET MARRIED! SO YOU CAN FUCK ME!

SexierThanYou: YES! LETS!

_TO BE CONTINUED!_

A/N: OMG! AREN'T YOU EXITED FOR THE REST OF THIS STORY! HOW WILL BELLA REACT! HOW WILL CARLISLE REACT? HOW WILL MIKE REACT, BECAUSE WE ALL NO HE WISHES TO GET RAPED BY ONE OF THOSE WOLFYPEOPLES! GASP GASP GASP! I'M ! haha!


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